1. When throwing dishes, choose a target that seems just beyond your range, preferably in the next yard or street. You'll improve your aim and you won't have to clean that shit up.
2. If you are angry at a particular person, and you are a smoker, use that person's birth certificate and/or tax documents as a rolling paper. She will thank you later for helping her get "a fresh start."
3. Drink tea with honey. This will help prevent your voice from cracking as you shout obscenities into your pillow.
4. As you throw your tantrum, slap yourself in the face. It will help keep your energy up while providing gratifying entertainment for onlookers.
5. If you tend to froth at the mouth when you're throwing a tantrum, accept this. Let your saliva froth freely in the corners of your mouth. This will clearly identify you as a lunatic throwing a tantrum, because up until then, people weren't quite sure about you. Acceptance will set you free.
6. If you're fresh out of ideas for your tantrum format, seize the tantrum energy and channel it. Give your neighbor's dog a perm. Cut your grass with safety scissors. Sew a zeppelin.
